when I was just a little girl who could barely reach the sink, and would write in colored crayons all over the house walls (then have to clean it up!),
chalk on the sidewalk,
flowers in my hair,
ride my bicycle while not holding onto the handlebars,
chew on icecubes from the freezer,
walk endlessly with my sister & friends through the forest trail,
28 goldfish in the house all at once,
count how long I could hold my breath while hanging upside down on the monkey bars at school,
under the community swimming pool or blowing a balloon as much as possible without popping them,
sneaking out of the house at daybreak 5am breathing all the fresh air, fresh dew on the grass, sweet morning sun kissing my face,
running after ladybugs & snails, contemplating my future husband and lifetime companion constantly in my mind, heart, and soul.... so free, so alive
But then adulthood kicks in, like a bullet in the back, like an uninvited guest, when you are not ready yet.
Now suddenly patience doesn't exist, everything seems to now be necessary to fill a prerequisite, an expectation, an obligation to fulfill the status quo. To have what the colleagues have, what the neighbors have, what everyone seems to should have.
To be married, to have children, to work, to have a car, the latest phone and technological gadgets, etcetera.... to survive
No stopping, no breathing, no blinking, no sleeping, no dreaming, no feeling, just going going going going....
sort of like visiting a new & beautiful place but just passing through and leaving without taking any pictures, without gazing at the stars, without stopping to say hello to strangers, without smiling along the way, without savouring the food, without seeking the deeper meaning in the simple truth, the experience of reality in the current moment.
We stay so trapped thinking of the future and lamenting the past, we forget to cherish the moment and realize what we have here, and make the most of with the most innocent heartedness, with no regrets and only leaving true heartfelt love behind.
From some NDE's (Near Death Experiences) I studied, many recounted how our titles and worldly accomplishments do not matter, but that what valued most in Heaven and eternal life was how much we loved our fellow man... how much we loved with the Creator's love in this worldly existence.
Not how much we succeeded, our what we succeeded in looking like a certain something, but how much effort we made to do our best in loving, in caring for our fellow, for our fellow creation, the world nature, animals, plants, oceans.
Did we care to do right to the best of our knowledge?
Did we make a point to love?
To preserve life other than only looking after our own life?
How much effort did we make?
... It is these questions that are asked of us in heaven, the rest are unimportant details.
The simple faith we carried as children,
we need to carry on this faith as adults,
to love with all our heart, soul, and might.
with innocent observation and sincere heart,
constantly learning and
not judging ourselves so harshly in the process.
