World on a phone

The most strangest aspect I have encountered recently is how it is possible to be communicating with those I love the most only through the phone, chats, texts, and video chat.

My brain is so overwhelmingly amazed how it is possible to not feel my loved one's hugs, kisses, or physical presence... yet know that I know they are real and only connect by phone or video surpasses my senses... still trying to get used to it.

Beliefs

As I was doing research on how to properly form a mission statement, I came across this question: 

What beliefs do I hold to be true?

Many, I will list as many as I can here:

• my personal success and decisions are solely dependent on myself

• live a life free of blame

• suffering should be avoided at all costs if not necessary

• I should be the first to make a positive change and not wait for others

• make the most of blessings and resources that we have

• judge by facts & evidence - not assumptions

• should be grateful for what we have

• only we can love & understand  ourself in a way nobody else can

• don't judge yourself for things out of your control

• we were all given certain talents for a reason

• can't expect new results doing same old things

• there exists a creator, and all creation has an important role &  purpose

• nothing is by coincidence

• I never regretted doing something truly good for myself, others, or creating something that I wanted to create out of inspiration.

• there is no such thing as one soulmate, relationships are ultimately a rational decision

• what goes around comes around

• there is no shame in doing your best

• don't judge a person until you've walked in their shoes

• self-respect is not selfish

• let faith & wisdom lead life - not fear

• live life like everyday is your last - because one day you'll be right

• it is not just a belief when you know it is true

• can't complain about the results until you've tried all your possible options

• little things add up to be big things

• nothing comes without a price; choose wisely

• money is like water

• growth is not meant to be comfortable

• Talk The talk, Walk The Walk

• some things are easier said than done

• better coward alive than a hero dead

• we are more influential than we can imagine

• emotions lie/facts don't

• the soul should be in control of the body and not vice-versa

• History has a tendency to repeat itself

• The best way to reconstruct the future, is by reconstructing the present and learning from the past

• Quantity does not equal Quality (Quantity ≠ Quality)

• The Creator has one truth that exists for all people, religion is selectively man-made by specific groups of people.

• There is one truth, but many ways of perceiving that one truth.

• Se há vida, há esperança 

(If there is life, there is hope)

and many more I may or may not list on here later..... 

beautiful

It was so sunny the day I took this picture, i hardly knew what I was really taking a picture of, but now looking back at it in my photo gallery it came out so beautiful.

Also this one as well

skeletons in the closet

Skeletons in the closet

google search definition:

"a colloquial phrase and idiom used to describe an undisclosed fact about someone which, if revealed, would damage perceptions of the person;"

As I was reading the book Casamento Blindado (Bulletproof Marriage), 

in the very first pages, came the topic of revealing the past of each partner, essentially each person has their own personal baggage from their past that they carry along whether they like it or not - how they were raised, past experiences - it is a part of them because it is a part of their history.

To understand where we are now, and to where we are headed, we must first understand from where we come from in every sense and how that makes us who we are.

I am more than 100% sure that most every person has parts of their history that they are not so excited to share with the whole world at just any moment. They are things that are not so easily understood, especially in the wrong context could lead to many unwanted misunderstandings.

What do I mean specifically when saying skeletons in the closet? 

That definition depends on the personal perspective of each person,

for some the envisioned "skeleton" may seem so real but in reality be something entirely insignificant in that context. 

For example: 

A teenage girl afraid of revealing her talent of playing the violin for fear of unwanted attention.

The real "skeleton" perceived would be something that reasonably could cause some form of  misunderstandings that undermine or severely threat personal well-being/reputation. 

Usually and very often something very disturbing that is seen as "best left unsaid".

For example: 

(hard to write an example ... real "skeletons" are very disturbing, and many times go against social norms)

A mother is afraid of telling her young daughter that their grandmother has been involved in witchcraft.

Many times, couples get married with only but a superficial understanding of each other's histories. Much in part to impress one another during the dating part before marriage. This complicates their marriage because these skeletons in the closet are revealed naturally as time goes by, when these histories show to affect the life of the couple.

From a personal perspective... revealing the "skeletons in the closet" is definitely much easier said than done, when you are getting to know someone you never knew before there is a lot of space for misunderstandings. 

Trying to get out of your "shell", but then at the same time needing to understand who you are speaking to and how to measure the weight of your words.

Direction

Sometimes, many times, actually every day, 

we, each individual, receive signs and directions as to what to do & what not to do. 

Nothing is a coincidence. Everything has a lesson to teach us.

Absolutely nothing, not a text, not an annoyance, not a bad day, not a good day, not a technical glitch.... etc.... 

Many times our intuition tells us, from deep within to pay attention to a certain something in a certain way. 

At that exact moment we have a 

choice, either move that certain something to the forefront of our attention- without ignoring it - act  upon it in the way our intuition is guiding us. OR ---- Completely ignore and set it aside as if our mind is just making it up and/or it doesn't matter so much.

Many times I have been guided by my intuition and have chosen to push it aside because I just thought I was making stuff up in my mind that "doesn't exist" or "not so important" or "just a coincidence" or "I don't know how I'm going to do that."

For sure, nothing is "just a coincidence" and we must come to giving attention to our intuition. We must consider that there was a reason why we thought or caught our attention on a certain thing at a certain moment in a certain way.

Don't exactly justify everything as valid at first sight, our mind can and does wander, just be more keen on noticing the difference when our intuition is speaking louder than normal trying to get our attention - and give proper consideration with respect to all involved, in the past, present, and future.

necklaces

I make necklaces sometimes, recently they come out a bit like these ones...

Technology Pros & Cons

Technology pros & cons

I decided to write about the pros and cons of technology after an occurrence today....

Being born in the year 1998, generation Z, 

I have so many experiences with technology from an early age as I can remember - 

such as in my second grade class being taught to use a desktop computer - as well as using the desktop at home. Plus, all the other technology around the house, 

Pros ☑️

* Saves lives

- used in hospitals, care facilities

*routine life ( refrigerators, blender, can opener, blow dryer, washer, dryer, A/C, etc..), 

medical appliances (heating pad, etc...)

* Keep Family & close friend  communication from wherever they may be

* Contact law enforcement or state help line (911, 211 etc..)

* Remote work

* Play/record Music!

* Online learning/Classes

* Online business

* Wealth of information on the internet

- learn a new language, discuss/fix an issue (Youtube/WikiHow, ...), latest news, etc...

- book traveling, buy/rent a car online, online shopping, etc...

* keep up to date with email, 

notifications, calendar, etc ...

*Blogging / Venting Creativity

(Example : this blog! 😊)

* Government is using Internet platforms and going "Paperless"

- E-File Taxes - SSA online - USPS

etc....

* Paying Bills online

* COVID-19 SOCIAL DISTANCING YEAR 2019/2020 .......

* Technological Breakthroughs revolutionize society

Cons ❎

* inappropriate & unhealthy content online

- violent video games, pornography, tutorials on how to do something criminal/against the law/dangerous, human trafficking, scammers, etc.

...

* Social media

- illusive & empty, lots of strangers, few real "friends"

- scammers

- creates unhealthy habits, 

upsets circadian rhythm

- comparing oneself to others , slave to ego (external image)

* PUTTING SMARTPHONE IN POCKET ( HAPPENED AGAIN TODAY! 😰)

- Randomly sending/preparing messages I never meant to write!!!

- ACCEPTING FRIENDS ON SOCIAL MEDIA I never meant to accept!!!

- Randomly calling people on my contact list...... all the time my phone is in my pocket I'm completely unaware 😰

(absolute nightmare)

* Online / long - distance/ virtual dating

- every man for himself!!! 😰 (read the technical difficulties above⬆️)

- Either talk too much or too little

- Never know what is happening on the other side

- Stranger danger

- "Dating" for a long or even short period of time only to figure out the person on the other side wants your money/personal information (scammer situation)

* DIGITAL WALLET

The newest of them all! 

and the most dangerous!!

careful not to accidentally tap and pay what you didn't mean to tap & pay! 

- information even more accessible to scammers/hackers due to availability on a technological, internet-connected platform

*Stealing sleep, 

upsetting circadian rhythm

( Phones, videogames, T.V., etc...)

* Light emitted from electronic devices damage vision over time, especially if used in a low light setting

* TEXTING/TALKING/Changing Radio Station, Music WHILE DRIVING 😰 

Please, mercy on us for this one! 🙏 

In a distracted circumstance can be outright deadly! 😰

* Extreme dependence on technology ("Cell phone Hospital" etc...)

- constantly connected 

- phone/Internet is a necessity in today's society

* Possiblity of negligence or error in factory production causing an electricity induced fire!

Ok, so I have summarized my view of the Pros and Cons of technology in the best of my knowledge, I'm sure there may be more to add, I might update this post later.

Gift from the heart

Whenever I gave what I knew would be good to give, a smile, a tip, paying the rest of someone's bill, an unexpected honest compliment, a pat on the shoulder, 

a release of someone else's burden.... 

Doing good for the pure sake of doing good, expecting absolutely nothing in return. 

- Gd has always recompensed me in the most simplest to the most sweetly unexpected of ways. Always. 

Practicing self - control, 

waiting my turn, 

being patient, being self-less, thinking of other's needs and not just my own,  

opening my hand when necessary, accepting correction even when I thought I was 100% correct.

Accepting the reality, especially when things seem to not be going exactly as I expected it to be. 

Forgiving myself and others when my first instinct would have been to hold a grudge or self - criticize.

Gd always gives equal for equal, and for love & good - even more than we could initially expect.

Gd loves us and wants us to grow in the way that Gd knows we need to.

We are here, every heart beat, every breath in and out, because we have a purpose.

Never underestimate your affect on the world, the universe, on everything.

Flock of Dead Ravens Dream

Yesterday night, on the 3rd of November I had a really vivid dream. 

I was in England, and I was in front of a palace. and as I was heading to enter the palace, at the entrance there was a "mat", which actually was not a common door mat, this mat to the entrance of the palace was made of grass 

The most peculiar thing when I looked that was inside of the mats made of grass was a bunch of dead black Ravens with shiny reflective feathers very real.

 In the dream I looked a little closer to see if they were in fact already dead and without getting too close to possibly smell them decomposing, I could already tell that they were dead.

I can even count in my mind about how many that I saw in that bunch on the grass mats was about 10 of them all of them dead and stuck inside of the grass in the mat in front of the entrance to the Palace. 

I did some research on the internet and I came up with some results about having dreams with dead Ravens and actually it is a pretty positive thing, 

Most Common Raven Dreams:

To see a Dead Raven: To see a dead raven in dream is a very good sign, as death of a raven means death of misfortune. 

Such dreams indicate that you are strong enough to break any barriers in life and drive away any misfortune

so for me when I'm praying to the Creator and asking for a sign to specific questions in my life -

and specifically on this day I get this sign in the dream,

 I would say this is this is pretty indicative and definitely for the fact that they were already dead - 

for me that was pretty shocking and  uncomfortable to have to walk over them to be able to get inside of the palace but nonetheless I did end up walking over that absurd door mat and also my dog walked over the strange mat in the dream as well,

so I see this as a sign that I could have many trials and I will pass over all of them b'h"

Simplicity

Simplicity

 Today simplicity has been on my mind. 

After so much time I have anxiously ran and stressed to complete my internal to-do-list, anticipating life, 

I stop to breathe, pray, meditate and think - 

"If I am pushing so much, 

stress, and time in this direction with little to no results, 

actually ending up most of the time exactly where I was before 

- despite all of my efforts, 

even trying new ways to achieve the same goal with the same boomerang effect..."

In a spiritual and reality driven mindset, the boomerang effect is a situation defined as clearly failed attempts that should be understood as pushing in the wrong direction.

Therefore the definition of insanity is further defined being characterized as irrationality;

So the boomerang effect in our own lives should serve as a sign, a  reflection of attempts in the wrong direction

So without further ado to continue my meditative thought, i did self talk to myself the following:

" I am enough. 

I know I have tried enough. 

I am constantly doing more effort that I possibly can, and more than I initially believed I could, 

to get where I need to be, 

as a person, as a family member, as a coworker, as a partner, as a soul... 

so now is the time to 

stop - 🚫

to stop 

anticipating, expecting, pushing, demanding, running, yearning, wanting....

now is the time to 

accept. ☑️

accept my current situation

accept and understand my efforts to improve the situation

accept I am not in full control of my situation

accept my own limitations

accept I may or may not have everything in my life the way I would like it to be

accept the pain, discomfort, impatience, 

pray to Gd and give it to Him, the Creator 

- let Gd take full control.

and

- surrender

surrender to life

surrender to truth

surrender to gratefulness

surrender to & accept the uncertainty

surrender to & accept the fear and anxiety

surrender to & accept the "failures"

✳️Be fully present

❇️Be fully alive

✳️Be fully love

❇️Be fully acceptance

✳️Be fully truth

Be simplicity - 

and just let life, go on."

Authenticity

Authenticity - 

Don't let other's superficial opinions or doubts interfere with your natural talents and discovering your authentic self. 

You are here on this earth and you are who you are because no one else can do you like you.

So do the Creator, the universe, the world, your community and yourself a favor ... find your real talents & practice them, pursue them appropriately with pure joy, gratefulness, and full heart. 

Do what you know best, and the rest will come naturally as you are going along your way, doing only what you can do, being the you that only you can be. 😊♥️

Tying a Bow

Tying a Bow 

~ lessons to learn

The other day I was met again with my lifetime struggle of learning to tie a bow in just the right way, 

with just the right motions, just the right amount of gentle yet assertive tug to complete the bow's strength & overall appeal... 

and something came to me,  the discipline necessary to tie this simple bow... 

reminds me of the discipline necessary in life to accomplish each day to day, or the saying "easier said than done."

The positive news is that over time and with experience we learn techniques to better manage something that yesterday was new.

Birthday time | Personal Experience with Astrology studies

"And Gd said, "Let there be luminaries in the expanse of the heavens, to separate between the day and between the night, and they shall be for signs and for appointed seasons and for days and years." (Genesis 1:14)

Today I would like to share my personal experience concerning the study of Astrology and why I come to my current perspective today on the topic of the stars. 🌟

There are many varied reasons to initiate delving into the study of astrology. 

Some study just for fun, out of habit, anxiety over what the future holds, to gain a little extra money on the side preparing astrology "readings", to make "compatibility charts" for couples, in an effort to find the truth, ... just a short list among other possible reasons.

My intense research of astrology  began 6 years ago in the year 2014, I was 15 years old in 9th grade of high school. 

At that time, I was undergoing tremendous stress and pressure in my school & personal life, as most teenagers at my age were. I wanted clarity and spiritual revelation in a world of pressure & confusion.

What I already knew about astrology is a closely held tradition in my family, 

my mother was constantly reminded by my grandmother of the time known as your "bad time", 

the time around the date you were born, the closer it is to your birthday, the more dangerous for your life, 

as it seems your soul is closer to the spiritual and therefore your body (opposite of spiritual) is automatically vulnerable to sudden accidents, emotional fluctuations, injuries, and even fatal incidents that can unexpectedly take a person from this life around the time of their birthday.

Take some time to notice when many people have left this world unexpectedly, ex: on the news, many times it was close to their birthday.

also, an individual's "bad time" can also endanger those in immediate physical proximity to them, so look after them as well.

With this background in mind, I already had a curiosity to know more about what astrology is but never really delved further.

At that time in my life 6 years ago then, I took every moment I had free to study astrology. I wanted to study much more than just the sun and the moon, I wanted to know all the little details. 

Over time I found out about asteroids, pallas, juno, ceres, vesta, and planetary points such as Ascendant, Midhaven, IC, DC, North & South Node, Midpoints, etc... I would go to the school library and study in the morning, at lunch, and whenever I stayed after school. 

I learned so much, I could talk about my findings for hours on end.

In the past before studying astrology I hadn't been able to think much positive about an individual, and was always prone to constantly highlighting negative points about myself & others in my head in a narrow minded way.

Over time I learned the primary inclinations of each individual and I was then able to connect to my fellow humans more compassionately, effectively and meaningfully.

With this new Astrology - Catagorizing mindset I was also more open and accepting of embracing what the future holds without hesitation, no matter what it be. Accepting that life itself is a learning process. I knew Gd supervises everything. And I didn't study astrology alone, I constantly prayed to Gd and followed my intuition, as I wanted to find the whole truth, and didn't expect astrology to serve as my mental-organizing-crutch forever.

I was able to see more in the long run and the big picture. How the little details are superficial and unimportant, and how some decisions at specific times in our life can change everything for less or more challenge, depending on the direction chosen. 

How very important it is to understand the limitations and possibilities for growth at a certain time period, and know when it is time to close a chapter and start a new one. 

When to just let go, let things be as they are. 

When to fight tooth & nail to make things right or just simply to survive.

My conclusion at the end of my half decade of study is that generalizing an individual with astrology is useless. 

Each individual has a bit of everything, and in the right place and time they can seem to be an entirely different individual. 

That is why choosing where to be in this world is so important, it really affects how we deal with the world and vice-versa.

For instance, I am a Virgo sun, however many times I come across as appearing to be a Libra sun, as my family comments to me so often. There is really no way to generalize an individual. We are much more unique and transformative than what can be put into a box.

However, what still stands true through all of my studies of astrology is the "bad time" concept and the fact that moving or traveling to a different location will change how others see and interact with you, and vice-versa.

So, please pay attention to your safety and take care of yourself and those in your immediate proximity around your birthday!

Also, if you are not having the best experience in one place in this world, do some research and travel to see if living in another place fits your life better.

Learning & Observations

A poster rested on the counter at the attendance office of my high school where I graduated said something along the lines,

" School teaches you for a test first and only afterwards you take the test.

Life tests you first and then teaches you after the test."

We are constantly in a process of learning and being challenged in life, from the first day of life to the very last.

Like my grandfather of honored memory used to say, 

"everyday you should be able to reflect on something new you have learned."

No one has a "One-size-fits-all" approach to every specific situation in life & situations, opinions, attitudes, and perspectives are constantly evolving. 

However obvious it is that there exists only one truth, but endless ways to perceive and interpret that truth.

We must be patient with ourselves through this process of life, a lifetime of constant learning.

Innocent whole heartedness

I remember 

when I was just a little girl who could barely reach the sink, and would write in colored crayons all over the house walls (then have to clean it up!), 

chalk on the sidewalk, 

flowers in my hair, 

ride my bicycle while not holding onto the handlebars, 

chew on icecubes from the freezer, 

walk endlessly with my sister & friends through the forest trail, 

28 goldfish in the house all at once, 

count how long I could hold my breath while hanging upside down on the monkey bars at school, 

under the community swimming pool or blowing a balloon as much as possible without popping them, 

sneaking out of the house at daybreak 5am breathing all the fresh air, fresh dew on the grass, sweet morning sun kissing my face, 

running after ladybugs & snails, contemplating my future husband and lifetime companion constantly in my mind, heart, and soul.... so free, so alive

But then adulthood kicks in, like a bullet in the back, like an uninvited guest, when you are not ready yet. 

Now suddenly patience doesn't exist, everything seems to now be necessary to fill a prerequisite, an expectation, an obligation to fulfill the status quo. To have what the colleagues have, what the neighbors have, what everyone seems to should have. 

To be married, to have children, to work, to have a car, the latest phone and technological gadgets, etcetera.... to survive

No stopping, no breathing, no blinking, no sleeping, no dreaming, no feeling, just going going going going....

sort of like visiting a new & beautiful  place but just passing through and leaving without taking any pictures, without gazing at the stars, without stopping to say hello to strangers, without smiling along the way, without savouring the food, without seeking the deeper meaning in the simple truth, the experience of reality in the current moment.

We stay so trapped thinking of the future and lamenting the past, we forget to cherish the moment and realize what we have here, and make the most of with the most innocent heartedness, with no regrets and only leaving true heartfelt love behind.

From some NDE's (Near Death Experiences) I studied, many recounted how our titles and worldly accomplishments do not matter, but that what valued most in Heaven and eternal life was how much we loved our fellow man... how much we loved with the Creator's love in this worldly existence. 

Not how much we succeeded, our what we succeeded in looking like a certain something, but how much effort we made to do our best in loving, in caring for our fellow, for our fellow creation, the world nature, animals, plants, oceans. 

Did we care to do right to the best of our knowledge? 

Did we make a point to love? 

To preserve life other than only looking after our own life?

How much effort did we make?

... It is these questions that are asked of us in heaven, the rest are unimportant details.

The simple faith we carried as children, 

we need to carry on this faith as adults, 

to love with all our heart, soul, and might.

with innocent observation and sincere heart, 

constantly learning and 

not judging ourselves so harshly in the process.

Choose Life!

I have learned many things in my Chumash book of Genesis and along with other knowledge of the Creator's expression made onto paper and formed into a book....

One is I have realized that human relationships are not the way everyone proposes them to be, or even initially expects them to be. Everyone is prone to error at one time or another in each one's own path. And that is where lies the main problem, expectations vs. reality... and most importantly, how we react after....

But all in all I would like to expound on two happenings of brothers described in the holy scriptures.

One is of Cain & Abel, 

the other is of Jacob & Esau.

Both experienced strife with the other in consequence of the approval/disapproval of higher authority. 

- Cain & Abel with our Creator, 

- Jacob & Esau with our forefather Isaac

Despite the concept of Family Unity, being of the same blood was not enough to keep peace between two  fellow men.

- Cain ended up being forced to leave where he was after murdering Abel from heat of anger

- Jacob resolved himself that he needed to leave to keep peace with his brother to prevent murder out of heat of anger

neither knew for sure what would happen to them after they left their place, 

- Cain understood he deserved his life to be taken away as well for what he had done to his brother, 

life for life, blood for blood

- Jacob knew his brother would not understand and he would rather wander without knowing his end than his brother having his blood on his hands

Another difference, same setting, different twist, different attitude 

- Cain went to discuss directly with Abel and ended in murder

- Jacob ran away to not even see or talk to Esau to keep murder from even possibly happening

So with this simple comparison of brothers, we learn that the phrase "communication is key" with the other fellow human being is not always the case and in the specific situation of conflict it is best to run away and not communicate to avoid conflict, even death. 

After studying, seems very much easier said than done, but after examining the life of King David, we learn and understand that many righteous spend their lives running away from, people, from places, primarily to run away from sin, and even many times without knowing what will happen to them... hiding in caves, foreign cities, etc.... 

I have a motto I learned over time, against the ego of my human expectations being diminished or realized, 

the motto is "Choose Life"

So uncomfortable this life can be, sometimes we really just want to give up all together. BUT

What the Creator wants is for us to Choose Life 

Choose Peace 

Choose Shalom

run from sin, abuse, & murder

... even when we are not sure what awaits for us on the other side, 

the Creator is always with us who choose life until the very end. 

Those who have not chosen life can go through a process of repentance and reach a connection with the Creator once again,

The Creator is always with doors open, we just need to do our part to come through.

Trust the process of Choosing Life. What more meaning is there to this process of living?

Past Life Regression

April 11, 2020   Saturday

Approx. 1AM Central Time 

This is the results of my Past Life Regression Hypnosis Session after listening to this video session on YouTube:

Past Life Regression Guided Meditation

P. S. Special note : 

According to the steps provided in the video, before going down the steps to enter my Past life,

At the beach with the lively peaceful  forest:

 I was very happy smiling looking up at the warm sun and passing clouds, sitting on the cool beach sand letting the sunshine soak in, and a little boy came running out of the forest into my arms, he was my son. Also a tall handsome man in a simple suit and tie came walking out from the forest to meet me, I immediately recognized him, he was my husband. I see in my imaginations eye I am a fairly young woman around early / mid thirties I have a red slightly tousled dress and red casual hat on. We are all very happy to be together, hugging, smiling, laughing, like a family reunion.

The part when the fog came and I noticed my spirit animal:

My spirit animal was a forest raccoon.

Now to the part where I went down the steps to enter my Past life,

My name was Marianna, a woman of 27 years old.

I was a German soldier at the time in Germany year 1947. 

I had short slightly curly dirty blonde hair, blue/green eyes, probably around 5' 5", a slim yet normally fit body, and lightly blushed pale white  skin. I was in a soldier uniform and black tap-dancing sort of shoes. 

At this moment I was in a bar alone with no company, It was during the war. I stopped to have a smoke inside the bar, sitting /standing around the bartender table. I had a horrible feeling of guilt in me, I had murdered and/or witnessed murder. 

The bartender is someone I recognize in this lifetime - Bill Kaulitz (for some reason :/) - but his physique was different, he was a man tall, good amount of muscle, deep dark black hair cut short, with a more classic German chin & body frame. Surprisingly his demeanor is a lot more meek & humble than what his appearance seems to be. He was a sort of friend of mine, reason why I chose to go to that bar. 

At home, my husband which I love so much and my only baby son await me. 

I come up the stairs and enter our house /German townhouse, my lovely husband is awaiting me while the baby is sleeping in his/our room. We love one another so much we immediately kiss and hug one another. We miss each other so much, we are almost to tears. 

My husband's name was something like "Steven" but his close family and I all called him by his middle name "Ruben". 

You may ask why is it that I have gone to serve in the German army shortly after having the baby while my husband I love so much stayed home. It is because my husband had an unexpected medical emergency which left him with a slight disability. 

The German government was forcing each family to send a family member, preferably male and over 15 years old to serve in the German army. 

With my husband's disability in mind, we decided he would stay at home taking care of the baby while I would go out serving in the German army, every once in a while returning back home because they allowed me for the fact that I am a woman. 

Life went on like this for very few months about a period of 3 months or so. 

One fateful day that marked the rest of my life, and if it wasn't for the Creators mercy on me, I would have went to rest as well, which is what I  wanted after coming to knowledge of what had happened then. 

The German army sector of government found out that my husband had been staying at home, for some reason they marked him as a traitor, and they sent a soldier to our house and shot my husband dead right in front of me. I of course could not conform and I immediately fought back with the soldier. The soldier also gave me a shot to kill, however, I did not die, they took my only baby son to a public hospital with other babies and left me and my husband to die from gunshot wounds. 

I fainted at the moment and I woke up later dazed with a terrible gunshot wound to my abdomen, however my one and only love my husband did not make it, when I woke up his life was already gone out if him. 

I moved myself the best I could, I self treated at home. But my husband left this world and our baby was gone. And with that, the only life I had with me were the pictures that remained. 

I later went into spiritual work, staying at home, I would give others spiritual counsel/readings. I did this work until the end of my life at an old age around 60-70 years old. I died of a fever, alone, holding the pictures of me, my husband, our wedding together, our baby boy, the happiest time in my life. 

End note: The facts in my Past life Regression may be a little off, I am just taking note of my first impressions I received.