From my 10 years of age and younger I had been hyper aware of the spiritual world, entities, spirit guide(s), and instinctively connected to my intuition.
I had been so hyper aware of the spiritual world that I had almost lost touch with this reality and suffered from a disconnection with my identity, my spiritual sensitivity escalated to the point of paranoia, day and night, afraid to be alone because the spirits/entitites would visit me, that I was afraid to sleep because of the intensely vivid and horrifying dreams I would have, afraid to be the last one awake in the house because I would feel and many times see spirits, dark entities, lost souls, or people that have recently died,
one time I looked at myself in the mirror and honestly asked apart from this flesh suit I wear,
what truly makes me – me? What makes me decide to be who I am being? The choices I make? All of this at about only 10 YEARS of age!!
I suffered then from a feeling of a deep black hole inside of me of sadness, fear, paranoia that never seemed to be quenched.
I remember I would receive gifts, hugs, support and encouragement at times from friends and family members and I would barely react, I would just feel the same black never ending hole inside me…
It was rare that I really smiled or was happy - most of the time I showed myself happy on the exterior for other’s benefit so they wouldn’t be concerned about me even though on the inside I felt the opposite.
I remember explaining once that I felt as if I was mourning the death of someone at a funeral and as if I didn’t know how long it would take me to get out of this mode of mourning.
During this spiritual journey all of this reached a point that I couldn’t handle anymore I really thought I was on the brink of insanity and didn’t like the way I couldn’t take in the blessings around me, I had chosen to take a really deep and detailed look into myself to understand where is all of this originating.
I had realized that a majority of my horrifying experience was fruit of my deep seated fears, sense of lack of control of my life, lack of trust in the universe, deep seated insecurities, not listening to my intuition, and surprisingly general laziness to do the internal and external work I knew I needed to do.
It was a lot of work and a lot of releasing and letting go, I made a lot of conscious and solid decisions to radically change my life in a positive way no matter what lay ahead of me, accepting my destiny, power, all facets of life, and death.
No matter what others thought, I knew I needed to follow my truth. One day I pleaded to God to release me from being so sensitive to the spiritual world because it was driving me to insanity and I was afraid what I could become once this spins out of control.
I was afraid I would completely disconnect from myself.
I realized those fears were unfounded and many fruit of my imagination and subconscious programming, also a huge spiritual warning that I had been ignoring my spiritual growth for too long.
Finally by the time I turned 12 years old and moved to Texas everything changed completely for the better.
I suddenly and instantly felt like a normal common person, I have a clear sense of who I am, I rarely see spirits anymore and definitely don’t hear them, I normally don’t get nightmares, I just have many regular dreams.
I began trusting my intuition, especially the small things like smiling to someone, talking, or honestly complimenting them on something I see.
I realized how much even the small things count, how influential I can be and how much power each of us have as a person, a soul.
When faced with trials I would trust and lean on what I learned from past testimonies with no regrets.
Another thing I learned back then that I’m surprised to know is a fundamental basis of manifestation is that like energy attracts like energy.
In our universe things tend to repeat until stopped by an external force.
An analogy I like to give is if you threw a stone in a pond the water would continue rippling in the direction the stone moved the water until the ripples reach the edge of the pond.
The edge of our soul is like that but is far more expansive and energies are infinite and can literally ripple through time.
Or you can take the scientific approach the Law of Inertia- Newton’s first law, what is in motion stays in motion, what is at rest will stay at rest unless it is acted upon by a force.
Something I am very interested in understanding is that so far in my life I can say with 100% certainty that I’ve been manifesting things intentionally many times.
One way I have manifested was declaring what I wanted to God, The Creator, the Universe, verbally - out loud.
Another was writing what I wanted on paper, which sometimes took longer but looking back to what I wrote almost all still happened even if it wasn’t in exactly the way I first imagined it would happen.
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